Friday, September 30, 2016

Round 2 , day 3

Today is fluids day. I'm making my medical workers go to work for me! I'm still too dizzy to drive, so I have home health care bringing me iv bag of saline solution for hydration before the weekend begins!
2 to 3 hours of relaxing at home will be better than sitting in some infusion room getting depressed.

I'm very tired. Will prob sleep most of the day today once the fluids are finished. Ate some oatmeal and had a few sips of coffee....mmmmm I missed my coffee so bad!

Thank you to my awesome neighbor who took my kiddo this morning to play so I could get this done while hubs is working and taking mom back to airport.

At this point, all I need is a lot of rest !

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Round 2 , day 2

Well what a difference better medicine to manage these side effects will conquer!

I am super exhausted, but I don't have leg pain from hell and I was up and out going to acupuncture,  blood draws, and eye doctor today to get my eyes tested. He said chemo will mess with eyes, and they have changed from last year but overall I just needed a steroid eye drop that is oil based to coat them thru the remaining chemo treatments and then Recheck a few mos after.

Ate a little food, have not had to drink 7up or pedialyte at all, mainly cucumber water with lime helps and also had some ac and cheese, cre of wheat, some nuggets, cantelope,  cottage cheese, and a donut bc it was yummy.
I am tasting foods this time so far.

So...all in all that Reglan seems to be working and so is my peppermint oil and frankincense oil.

I actually slept for 45 mins during acupuncture today too. Don't remember a thing! Guess I needed the rest .
And I took a nice bath to relax with lavender and aloe vera oil tonite.

Mom leaves tomorrow for good, and that will make me sad. She has been a blessing to have here to help with cooking , cleaning, and managing my daughters schedules .

Tomorrow is home fluids so I have hydration all weekend . 9am. And I have great neighbors who brought by foods for dinner and will watch my daughter tomorrow so I can get my fluids in.

I am enjoying seeing all my support!

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Round 2, day 1

Well I kept busy, was hard to wake up today but once I got going I just kept my mind off the nausea!
I think that new med called Reglan is working! Well...it has only been 24 hrs now so we shall see tomorrow but I have been eating food and no 7up or pedialyte for me today!
It was toast this am with 2 protein shakes, then 60 oz of cucumber,lime alkaline  water during the day, went to acupuncture,  then the chiropractor and in between had some brocolli cheese soup and a few bites of cherry cobbler!

I'm just exhausted though. My eyes are still running and burning. Headed to eye doc tomorrow to figure that out after another session of acupuncture. I'm telling you , that really helps me! I can always eat something right after it.

Had some jello and some cantaloupe for dinner with a chic chip cookie! Mmmmm.

I can taste my foods, temperature is a little off.
Let hope it keeps up.

I'm still dizzy to drive. So not driving til that gets better bc I slur words and walk into walls off balance sometimes.

I have been wearing my new perfume of doTerra peppermint oil with my sea bands for dizziness. I don't care what people think. Maybe they just want to eat me bc I smell like a candy!  Lol

I even got home care fluids set up for Friday am and I don't have to drive now! And I'm feeling like I got things accomplished today even with a chemo brain.
The no migraine today helps a lot to function better.

I had the same dose of everything yesterday at chemo, so double doses...but added a new drug for nausea thay was supposed to help with the headache and bright lights and sounds.
So glad I found something that works.

Now...I'm exhausted and resting and will wait to see what tomorrow brings!
;)

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Round 2 chemo day

Round 2 meds listed below: 10:30 am to 5:30pm

First 2 hours premeds. Sodium chloride with potassium and magnesium

Aloxi anti nausea  250mg w potassium

After that it's dexamethasone 10mg this the steroid for white cell boosting

Emend 150mg more anti naseau burned me in my iv bad

Metoclopramide hcl 10mg- reglan for anti nausea and migraine .

Cisplatin 140mg

More hydration
Magnesium 1000mg, potassium hcl 20m

Alimta 940mg

Spoke to doctor today, we are going to add a nausea patch I can wear for 7 days, and we added the Reglan to my plan today which seemed to help as I have no headache with the cisplatin today! Let's hope that continues!

Also filled out my intake form for the Alchemist study government trial.

Got vitamin D and bloodwork done today. My white cells were 21.6 and the fighter white cell were 20.1! Good stats!

Now the bloodwork watching begin, every Monday and Thursday each week since I am not doing the neulasta shot anymore it's more critical to watch my fighter white cells and keep them high so I don't get sick and monitor going in public.

I caught up on "parent magazines" that I was backlogged on.

And chit chatting with other chemo patients.
Time flies here , thank God!
Got more doc appts lined up. I feel they have consumed my life this year and it isn't going to stop anytime soon.

My eyes itching and watering and burning is another side effect. It's like hayfever from hell! I am going to the eye doc Thursday this week now to see if I can get a steroid eye drop to fix them for now.

But it has been a good day. I hope this round is nothing like last round! That's all.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Radon theory




Since I had some comments on radon I'm going to talk about it because I was scared after hearing I had lung cancer that it caused it!
Of the 2 homes I have owed here in Colorado, both have had mitigation done.
My first home I mitigated about 6 mos after move in. It was a small ranch home and it had just a crawl space underneath it. No basement. So it was important to do as the furnace was placed in that crawlspace and blew up the air from down there everytime it ran. The radon level when I had my home inspection on it was less than 6.0 pci, so being that the EPA states it has to be less than 4.0 pci this wasn't a concern for me, however I did mitigate it anyways for resale value and for health purposes.
My second and current home was even worse. It was a level of 9.0 at move in. The sellers wouldn't mitigate it or reduce closing costs to pay for it, and I still wanted this home, so I went away with that negotiation. This home has both a crawlspace and a basement. Again, a 9.0 seems high but I never went into the basement.  I then started working out in the basement after my child was born 2 years ago as a new mom i couldn't get out of the house breastfeeding with a newborn.  My friend Stacia asked me if I had the radon checked lately , as she just had her home done recently and she lives 3 miles from me; it came back with a 12.0 pci level ( again the regulated rule is 4.0 pci). That seemed high and she said for my daughters sake as her bedroom is located above the crawl area and to have it checked out.
I purchased a charcoal kit on amazon for $25 bucks. Tested the basement per it's instructions and my level was 14.0 pci! The test was done in December during winter months. When I saw it I immediately called for mitigation bids. I went with a reputable company who guaranteed me less than 1.7pc in writing. I felt comfortable with it. They stuck a fan that runs all the time in the attic area of our garage and it pulls the air thru the concrete slab into and thru this fan. Sealed up my crawlspace and also my sump pit. Cost about $1800. It's not cheap and that is why I waited to do it so long!  Immediately after the mitigation was installed I did a check again and it was 0.08 pci!.  Well below the approved 4.0 pci!
I test every 6 mos now. And as soon as I had surgery I had another kit ordered from amazon to ensure the level stays below my warranty.
The photo shows my level of 0.04 pci at the beginning of August. Different time of year, which is good to test different season as the soil does different things summer vs winter.
Now, the theory of radon and lung cancer. I was so very worried, I kept asking my lung doctor over and over if radon could have caused the ALK gene mutation. He keeps assuring me it takes years and years of exposure to radon to create cancer. I told him i read online that working out in your basement with high radon is like smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day! He says based on the size of my tumor it was prob there for a long time, and 3 yrs of exposure to 14.0 pci radon would not have caused that size tumor in 3 yrs. Meaning it was there a lot longer than that, however, there is actually No WAY to tell. There is no way to actually test my tumor in a pathology manner to see if radon caused it.
I ask him ..
Then where does this crazy stat online, in my newsfeeds, everywhere on the www...say that radon is the 2nd leading cause of lung cancer and where does their stats come from if there is absolutely No way to prove it?!
He just shakes his head.
SMH is the answer to the theory? Those stats are bogus , unprovable , and quite frankly just more shit to get you scared over?...
But I did mitigate and it's done and hopefully even though not proven thru tumor tissue, will allow my daughter or my husband to not have to go thru what I am right now ever in their lives! 

Was getting to feeling better! Almost getting some energy!

Well the last 10 days were so great compared to the first 10 days! I now know that it does get better and nothing is permanent at this time.
Did a lot this week getting ready for chemo round 2.
Lots of cleaning, organizing, getting premade meals, grocery shopping, all other shopping, lined up a maid weekly as the cleaners smells still bug me, and my energy spent hanging with my family is so much more worth it than cleaning 3 weeks of dust and dog hair.
Got a few other contractors lined up in the coming weeks to wash windows inside and out and also do a concrete curbing job my husband wanted to complete this year.
Did family photos yesterday up at this gorgeous park we love called Daniels Park by our house which is also where we did our wedding photos at 3 yrs ago.
I worked on our photos from our Alaska trip, saving on my computer and printing them out for framing in our home.
We took an overnight trip thru the mountains to Breckenridge Colorado to enjoy the fall colors and take a trip of enjoyment. And...it snowed for the 1st time on the first day of fall up there. Just enough to have gorgeous photos! Brrr...I'm not ready for winter.
I got my hair highlighted,  went to acupuncture 2 times this week , got my first colon cleanse experience , and didn't blog much because  I WAS SO BUSY enjoying life !

The only thing I have going on is exhausted by 4pm daily (and I have been sleeping a solid 8 hours no meds give or take a broken 2 hours from 3am to 5am..seems to be hard to fall back asleep). And I have the worst hayfever ever. My eyes have been watering for 4 days and nose is stuffy and sneezing bad. I have tried Claritin,  benedryl,  and walfinate and antihistamine eye drops.  Nothing works I am kinda looking forward to my "off the grid" next few days of sleeping off the nausea just to be able to let my eyeballs heal!
They burn, itch, and water so bad that my make up didn't stay on for photo shoot , and I am very chapped around them it burns to put on lotion!

Tomorrow is chemo day round 2. Same dosage as last time. No neulasta.
I'm expecting no leg pain this time, however, I will now have to have even more pokes by the nurse to get 2 blood checks weekly now to check white cell counts more often.  I'm still bruised from 2 weeks ago when she poked me for fluids!
The bruises seem to not go away, and I have been told I now have "chemo" veins..which run and hide when you poke em. And I have bad veins to begin with! I'll have to get gloves so that people won't thing I'm a drug user!

I'll be blogging again daily. Keep all you posted!
Thanks for your support and reading this!

Thursday, September 22, 2016

1st colonic cleanse today

Today I went to acupuncture and also got my first colon cleanse. It was weird!
The "poop lady" as I call her said this would help cleanse heavy metals and toxic waste build up out of my body. As the next chemo round quickly approaches I wanted to try to get my energy back this week before dooms day for me.
Chemo constipated me pretty bad for about a week; it was probably the other nausea meds too.
Now that I have been medication free for 10 days I wanted a clean body to start fresh with.  It was pretty intense at the end the cleanse when all that water is up inside your gut, putting tons if pressure inside your belly, and cramping. But she assured me tomorrow I will feel so good with all that shit out of me!
This picture is the tube the poop is flowing thru. Pics or it didn't happen right?

I think everyone should at least try this once in their life!

Saturday, September 17, 2016

ALK, the stigma and unanswered

It is known that mutations in the ALK gene can lead to several different types of cancer. In NSCLC, the most common ALK mutation is a fusion of the ALK gene with another gene called EML4. The EML4/ALK fusion gene creates an abnormal protein that can cause unregulated cell growth, leading to the development of cancer.
This is what occurred in my body to cause lung cancer adenocarcinoma.

Being diagnosed first of all with any disease is hard. It's on paper now that I have a disease, and I have a very shitty disease.  Secondly, the stigma of lung cancer is much different that other cancers, i.e breast, ovarian, leukemia,etc.
If I say I have lung cancer, someone will say, I didn't know you smoked!  Well I don't smoke! And I think this is why lung cancer has such a bad stigma.

I am not sure I would know how it did this, or what caused it to do it.

Could it be the steroid inhalers?
Could it be the asthma inhalers?
Could it be stress from a pregnancy?
Could it be from the pneumonia?
Could it be from asthma and weakened lungs altogether?

Questions that will go unanswered.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Cancer conqueror or cancer survivor?

I think I'd rather be a cancer conqueror! I am not sold that there really are survivors. I am also not sold that chemotherapy is effective and from what I have been reading and watching it is what causes cancer to come back! Because it is only "proven to shrink tumors", the famous line of the doctors..like a repeating record...it doesn't cure cancer or kill the stem cells. And when the cancer comes back, it comes back even more agressive or resistant.

And these doctors work so fast to give you such a quick deadline that you have no time to research what is the best treatment for you!  I was given 6 weeks post op to start treatment, meanwhile I was healing from a 6 hour surgery for 6 weeks!
I don't have any "tumors" left, however, my scan did show 2 nodules on my left lung and also a lymph node under my armpit and a cyst in my nose that lit up. My doctors assure me these have nothing to do with my staging and that is why I am staged at 2b. Now chemo...should turn these lit up areas off once the rounds are done. That's the goal to prove the chemo technically works and "kill any microscopic cells that may be floating thru my body". How do we prove that?

There are 220 different types of cancer and less than 5% of cancer is caused by genetics.  Cancer is caused by a gene that mutates. Why are my doctors not trying to find out what caused the gene mutation in the first place?
Was it the pneumonia that saved me? Or did it make a tumor mutate? Will we ever know this answer? Probably not.
I think it saved me.
My tumor was on its last legs at surgery, the pathologist said it was necrotic or dying, and my body fought it so hard that when you touch the tumor, it flakes into powder like.  Meaning my body had stopped the blood flow to it, and it was dying. This shows the power of our own bodies! Or maybe I was eating and doing naturally healthy things to even get it to that point!?

I have ordered doTerra frankincense oil and I will be using it mixed in my body Butter daily going forward. I am learning this oil is used to treat inflammation, and cancer, and it crosses the blood brain barrier to help with inflammation of the brain. I will use it like gold going forward, since my doctor said if my cancer would come back it would come back in my blood or brain.  Let's kill it naturally before it ever has a chance.

We used their OnGuard oil on our daughter's feet in the winter months to ensure she would not get sick. I am now using it during chemo on my body as well at night to help keep my body healthy as well.
We also use a breathe blend in our diffuser nightly for her and I in our bedrooms.

I am hoping and praying that I can only give my daughter a healthy life from the get go with organic foods, healthy foods, and essential oils.

Everyday a little bit more normal

So my nurse called last night , she said my fluids looks fine Tuesday when I came in, so it had to be the neulasta shot that my body reacted to and made my legs have so much pain and my head hurt so bad.
So I am meeting with my doctor Monday to discuss a different drug and plan for round 2.

I'm trying to find a maid to come in and do the chemical cleaning in my house as the chemicals smell so bad and potent to me that I want to vomit using even windex!
Plus, the 10 days I will start feeling better I don't want to spend cleaning the bathrooms on my good time. And neither does my husband! Lol
I think we should enjoy the "good" days together and try to be a normal family instead.
There is going to be a lot of lawn work to do here shortly with fall coming around the corner!
And when this is all done I think a trip to Hawaii is in order lol!

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Day 9, is what it is

Man it is so hard to roll over and hear the baby moving and see the monitor that she is standing there waiting for me to come get her at 730am and all I want to do is shut my eyes and go back to sleep for 3 more hours ! Everyday feels like I have awakened from a hangover that never ends.
The brain is dead, emotions are sad, and I just want to feel like myself again but that is not going to happen for months!

Today I had coffee on the phone with my girlfriend in Minnesota after taking the baby to daycare. We caught up for 2 hours  about life for the past month since I have fallen into chemo land.
She was supposed to come visit us for a week with her son who is my daughters friend...yes they have friends at 18 and 21 mos old! Lol
But they came down with horrible sinus and flu and couldn't come visit us before my first round of chemo.

Daily life went on today...the normal chores , dogs, cleaning, and then I went to have some rolls and rice at  a Japanese restaurant by my acupuncturist. Acupuncture went well, however my mental state was sad and I kept getting chills during my session .
I noticed I am getting sores in my mouth now. Like irritation on the inside of my lips . Ugh. It's 1 thing after another seems like the trend.

I'm just brain dead and feel like I move emotionless in autopilot.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Day 8. What a difference!

Wow what a difference today is. I feel like a normal person today!
Last night was bad,the fluids helped for about 4 hours but then I felt nausea again. I took tramadol for the leg pain and also tylenol for headache and xanax for the nausea and went to bed. Slept great!
Woke a new person.
I have done all my house chores, drank an instant breakfast, coffee , made blueberry pancakes and poached eggs with avacado for both me and daughter. And I even did 2 loads of laundry!
I still get dizzy  and have a minor headache and of course tired easily but I don't have the leg pain like I have had for the past 4 days and I actually feel like going for a walk later. We will see. I think I will rest my brain during naptime. I think I could drive a car today! Maybe even go out for dinner?!!!! Hubs might like that!

Last night I was thinking, maybe it is the alkaline water I have been drinking? It's pH 9.5. So I am going to drink just filtered tap water from my fridge all day today and see if it helps any. Maybe the pH is too high for my body with all the metal poison in it.

I definitely won't be needing fluids today, so my nurse Brenda will be happy to hear that when she calls to tell me blood results from yesterday's electrolytes.


Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Day 7, fluids today, dehydration

Today I went and got fluids. I was dehydrated when I woke up. Angela is a blessing and took me today and got to experience my chemo room and met my doctor and nurse.
They gave me magnesium and potassium and said if this makes me feel better then come get fluids more often! This is all about trial with everyone and how chemo drugs react for everyone is different.
My doctor said to start taking prilosec daily to keep from having the heartburn. He said he thinks my legs hurting could be a side effect from the neulasta shot that occurred after chemo , the shot in my arm that makes white blood cells.
He will monitor my bloodwork to see if he can use a different drug that is a daily white cell enhancer for next round instead  of the 10 day shot.
He did say on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest chemo intake, he gave me a dose of 9 last Tuesday. And everyone said I looked better than they expected!

So I am now learning that the Nadir point won't actually occur until closer to my next chemo round because of the 10 day boost from neulasta shot.
Which means it will be hard to actually figure out my Nadir point.
My white cell count today was 20.9
My white cell count 1 week ago day of chemo was 14.5
This shows the neulasta is doing its job to keep my cell count high.
BP was good 108/82
98.1 temp
And weight exactly the same as last week.

My cousin Nancy calls chemotherapy the most imperfect perfect scenario.

Thank you to Angela for taking me to get the help I needed today! We enjoyed cheese steak sandwiches and ice tea after we left! It tasted so good! ;)

Day 7. Sad, pissed off, headed to doctor today

Today I woke to crying. Mainly because I feel so dehydrated,my mouth is so dry, and I just feel like a blob on a bed.  I'm so mad at myself for having to do this. I feel so unhealthy and not at peace with chemo.
My body feel like it weighs extra pounds. That tells me I am weak.
I'm dreading the effort it is going to take me to take my child to daycare today.

I spoke to my nurse yesterday afternoon and she said I need to come in because of my leg and joint pain. She said it could be an electrolyte imbalance and I need to be checked out.  I told her I have been freaking out about being paralyzed and I also can't live on pain killers for 4 mos thru this if it keeps up. She agreed.

My friend Angela has cleared her schedule to take me there this morning! I might need her to cheer me up too because today is gong to be rough. I am in an extremely low mental state right now.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Day 6 post chemo round 1

Today I woke like a zombie. I had the absolute worst heartburn last night and couldn't sleep. Took a xanax to pass out at about midnight. Texted with my cousin last night for about an hour because all I could think about was I was going to be paralyzed from the chemo. My legs hurt and I couldn't sleep..you know those commercials that talk about restless leg syndrome?  Well that's how I felt . And my feet were ice so I put some socks on and warming my legs seemed to fade into numbness.
I was so worried I was not going to be able to walk after this is over or have permanent Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Once again this is just a side effect to this horrible chemo drug.
It always seems to be at night when your brain kicks in thinking the worst, especially when you can't sleep.
Just one time...Can't the sandman take me away?

Today has been a much better day than all the rest. My cousin Emily came over to help play with Aubrey so I could sit and stare and laugh at them. She made a great protein drink for me, added egg whites and also fresh e3live seaweed. It is high in antioxidants.  My daughter and I drank it up! Added some blueberries and some bananas to help my muscle pain.

Www.e3live.com

I learned about this seaweed from a friend of mine who I work with. She owns a juice shop in California and said it will help me thru this process and beyond.

I also gave myself a B12 shot and I took all my b12 and tumeric vitamins today. Along with my other daily supplements  vit c, d, and prenatal gummy.

By lunch time I was eating a little sandwich . Not a lot, but just enough protein.  Protein is the key here....you can only burn what you take in and muscles repair with protein.

My legs feel more like jello legs today. Definitely not as painful as yesterday so I know now not to freak out about being paralyzed.
And once I got my B12 kicking in, I could shower. Today's shower felt better, it was actually refreshing. The shower I took 2 days ago I couldn't even stand up for. I sat on the floor of the shower. Washing my hair doesn't feel good right now. It feels creepy.  I feel like I sound like a wacko right now writing this, but that just tells you how fucked up this medicine really is!

Once Emily left I had enough energy to put dishes away and I also vacuumed the house! My legs being jello didn't help but once I was done I had to rest.  It was like doing a 500 foot hill climb. I didn't want to exert all my energy so I'm now laying down while the toddler takes her nap!

I feel like an 80 year old!
But I successfully accomplished 2 house chores this afternoon!
It can only get better!

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Nadir point, education . #putuinhell

So with chemo, the doctors job is to bring you as close to hell as possible without putting you into the ICU.  All your blood counts are very low... and that's where they should be.  He should destroy your white cell counts as much as possible without putting you into the ICU. When your body is suppressed, it gives the chemo drugs a way to be more effective.

There is a period called Nadir point that usually happens between days 7 to 10 post chemo day. This is the point when your white cell counts will be at their lowest. This point is hopefully this Wednesday for me when I go into the office for bloodwork to find out my white and red cell scores. This will also give my doctor a taste of how I ranked for first treatment. And will also allow him to adjust the next round dosage. If I have too many white cells...will he up the dosage even more???? Will I have not enough ad he will lower it???

This is when my body will be most susceptible for getting sick.
Lots of hand washing , no kissing (tell that to my toddler) and lots of hanging out at the house. Which will be my new routine for the rest of the year.

Once this Nadir point is passed my by should start to feel better as the white cell count will climb back up to a normal state. Just 10 more days later for my doctor to do it all over again.

This is the cycle. My new life . I have to keep thinking..it's only temporary. ...it's only temporary.

It's raw. Unedited and pretty much no fucks are given.

I was thinking about my blog...People can choose to read or not read . Their choice. It's raw. Unedited and pretty much no fucks are given.

That's why this is titled that.
This is my journal , my way to release this bipolar roller-coaster of a horrible disease called cancer.

And most of my friends think this is a great way to vent off the biggest bitch slap you will ever have in your entire life!

I wish I could say...I just went on a drugged out binge of drugs and alcohol, and then went to a nice celebrity detox center for a week where I had a nurse inject me with fun drugs and I came out of rehab better than new.

Except this story is the opposite. I didn't have fun getting injected with metal poisoning at my infusion parlor last Tuesday,  nor did I enjoy the 5 days of survival from it. Instead I just had the worst 5 days of bitch slap, checked out for 2 of them in bed all day and I gotta do 3 more rounds of these?!!!
And who signed me up for this bipolar roller-coaster called cancer anyways?!

This is not my time to be superwoman.  So I'm not going to be.

But my husband just took me to ice cream. I ate 1/3 of it...and it was nice and cold and I could taste it!
The little things that make the most of your day.

Sunday. Day 5. Joints hurt. Muscles hurt


Went to acupuncture.  Had a protein (pea protein from a company called Beaming in California ) shake and oatmeal before I went. Was hard to drive. Had to drive 20 miles rt for my appt. Brain isn't functioning right yet to drive that far.
She gave me 40 mins with needles in so a little longer time than normal. Did some sliding cupping to get some blood flowing.
I truly think this is the only thing helping move the toxins out of my body! Next round I will step up more acupuncture and do back to back sessions the 2 days post chemo day.

She told me I need to drink green juice today at some point ....I will try my best.

Got jimmy johns sandwich on way home. Ordered extra meat on it for protein. Ate half a sandwich  and a bag of chips with some coke. Seems like the flat coke helps settle the stomach  and maybe the caffeine too for my head clarity.
Remember when you were in college and had your worst hangover...you always wanted a coke!

Just folded laundry and put away the dishes. Thats more than I have done in 5 days!

Things are still very bright or smell to me.
And today my knee joints hurt bad. Standing to do the laundry folding hurt my knees I had to rest.
Opening up the umbrellas on my deck took so much effort for my muscles and even got my heart rate up. Is this what MS feels like? It's horrible!

I told my husband I am going to have to get stretching on my Pilates machine to keep the blood flow in my legs. Once I am close to being "normal" as before this treatment began, I am going to have to work up my muscles before round 2 in order to keep strength for depletion again.

The positive: I have not taken any nausea meds since last night at 8pm.

I am learning day by day by documenting my side effects thru this blog on how I can use this as a reference for my next round. And what to expect.
I.e. adding more acupuncture,  allowing my brain to "check out off the grid" and just sleep for 2 days. Know that I can ask for help, and use my friends as resources.

I have not thrown up, or had any negative bowel movements. That says I am retaining the little bit I am eating or drinking!
I am tasting salt and sweet today. Temperatures are still a little off on foods or drinks.
And I am not running as hot as the past few days, so my body is ridding this toxin.

We know to have stock piles of pedialyte and pedialyte popsicles.

I still can't believe I was hiking with a 27 lb. Baby on my back in Alaska a week ago. Today...I can barely lift her.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Side effects from my chemotherapy

I still don't really understand this whole process.
Here is what I know:
I must see a hearing doctor to document my hearing loss during this process. Chemo causes permanent hearing loss, and permanent ringing of your ears.

I told my doctor, I better not have to have hearing aids at age 40! And that's not a joke.
As of right now, all sounds irritate me.  It's like everything is heightened and annoying. Dogs barking, my toddler whining or temper tantrums are hard to deal with. I want to cover my ears and hide under the covers.
My husband and I have tickets to the Maroon 5 concert next month and I am sure we won't be going unless I'm wearing shooting range hearing protection.

It also causes permanent damage to your fingers and toes.  Peripheral neuropathy is what it's called and it is permanent nerve damage.
I am already healing fom nerve damage from surgery. When they took my lobe out they had to cut a large nerve which causes numbness and sharp pains on my ribs about the size of my hand. It has gotten better over the 7 weeks post op and I am thankful I don't have the sharp pains anymore.

Memory loss and lack of concentration.  This must be why I can't think, and my brain hurts. It's like a permanent migraine and I constantly squint. This is my biggest problem. I am always the person on top of things, focused, running a business, running the household, and I can't be that person right now. This is hard for me.

Fatigue and appetite loss is big. As you can see from my posts I am writing about what I can get into my belly, And it's not much. Which doesn't help the energy level.
I'm exhausted.

It also causes infertility .  My husband and I were trying for a number 2 baby and miscarried back in Jan 2016 before any of these health issues started. It is a blessing it happened but has devastated us to know we may never have anymore children due to chemotherapy.  Everyone's therapy is different blends based on their cancer type, and the cisplatin I am taking will do this.  All we can hope for is for is it won't throw me into menapause at age 36!
We have hope that acupuncture after this journey is over will allow us to get pregnant again so our child will have a sibling.
All I can pray for is to keep periods! Such a funny thing to pray for but that will keep my body regular.

Mind over body is the key.

I just want my old life back.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Feeling like a zombie.

Well I am finally out of bed today 9am. Thank god I have my mom here to help get me some oatmeal I am requesting. I still can't eat it. Drank a glass of milk instead.
I'm weak, my brain still hurts and I feel like a zombie.

I slept off and on , used my anti nausea meds and also a CBD hemp salve (no THC) to help eliminate the nausea.  Living in Colorado has its perks to be able to buy medicinal products like this. My acupuncturist said this should help as well. I bought a few patches and some salve.
A day in bed with excedrin.
Ate a little more of my leftover sandwich from yesterday and some coke. Coke always helps make my tummy feel better from a hangover. Coke syrup works too!


I wish my brain function was on!

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Day 2 post Chemo round 1

Today my brain hurts and I am still swollen.  I am drinking an egg white and orange juice drink referred to me by a friends doula to give me some protein and flush this swelling out.
Last night was bad, I felt like I was on a small fishing boat in the middle of the ocean with 5 foot waves slamming me. I found my sea bands, and have those on for acupressure on my wrists.
Its hard to sleep, it's like insomnia but brain pain.  I can sleep in 2 to 3 hour shifts, and then I wake up too dizzy and walk into the walls! I would wake up and I could feel this poison going thru my body.  Like you have creepy bugs crawling in your blood swimming around inside you.  I feel it the most in my brain and in my feet and hands.

The anti nausea pills don't last long enough.  It was a chore to take a shower today.  I am thinking about all the things I need to get done and can't.  I'm too dizzy to even drive a car!

I have acupuncture this afternoon and hope that will help move the chi into a better place.


Acupuncture made me pee a lot right after treatment.  I couldn't fall asleep but I could feel the chi good!
Ate half Jimmy Johns sandwich and some ice tea after. Then a few french fries. Hey I want to eat healthy but right now gotta take what you can eat and handle hour by hour , day by day.

This feels like your absolute worst hangover added onto your worst morning sickness day in your 1st trimester and then multiplied by 20. Everything smells or tastes gross, the lights and sun are bright, the sounds are loud.


Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Post Chemo- Day 1 feeling like shit

Well it is now the day after.  I am barely eating food at 1pm. Cream of wheat and cinnamon grahams.  I feel like I am eating my daughters snacks. It's like being pregnant all over again times 10 on the nausea.

My breakfast was pedialyte and sprite.
Hey, at least I got out of bed!  And I took a hot bath because I have this shot thing on my arm til tonite that will inject me with some medicine to boost my white cell counts. Can't get it wet in shower. Taking the anti nausea medicine is helping a little bit. And my brain isn't working as normal, feels like I have fog in my head and can't think straight, and or talk right either.  I am mixing up numbers and it takes me 3 times as long to read something too.
Tired, weak, muscles feel heavy to lift my legs.
I am so swollen that I can only get my wedding ring on my finger down to my knuckle!

Maybe by dinner time and after a nice nap this afternoon, I can eat my garden cold pressed juice and some protein for dinner.

But...if you sit in your bed and sulk all day, you won't get thru it.  So..keep busy, get up, sit up, and blog about it instead! ;) Mind over body


There are other people out there in the world that are worse off than me. 5 mins pity a day.  That's all I get!

1st round of chemo day. My experience !

Chemo round 1. Welcome to My infusion parlor!
 Double dose. 2 for 1 dose....2 rounds packed into 1.
Lobectomy done July 22nd. Removed tumor in right lower lobe. 6.5 cm x 4.0 x
2.0cm. 6 weeks post surgery now chemo insurance program . Staging 2b

930am to 415pm today. Long day! Kept myself busy making calls, work calls, and projects for everyone's shirt orders!


First 2 hours premeds. Sodium chloride with potassium and magnesium 1 full huge bag

Aloxi anti nausea

After that it's dexamethasone 10mg this the steroid.

Then fosaprepitant dimeglumine 150mg

Emend 150mg more anti naseau burned me in my iv bad

Cisplatin 142mg. The big dog! The main cancer drug.

More hydration sodium chloride with potassium and magnesium 2 hours

Alimta 950mg...  the 2nd big dog. 2nd main lung cancer drug

Patch of neulasta  (shot in a patch 27 hrs later) for increasing white cell count
Attached to my right arm. No shower til tomorrow night 9pm after it shoots me.

***Followed by the next round of meds to keep side effect away***
Zofran 8mg 3 times a day..every day til all rounds completed.

Dexamethasone 4mg 2 times a day (just tomorrow ) this is steroid to help w naseau vomiting and energy. Keeps me awake hate it.

B12 shots weekly.  Shhh don't tell my doc. They want the every 9 weeks. Fuck that. I'm used to weekly. Helps with red cell count and gut problems and energy
Plus...
Vit c, vit d3, and prenatal bc of folic acid daily. 9.5 pH level alkaline water 70 oz daily! Acupuncture 2 times weekly on Thursdays and Sundays.
Green cold pressed homemade juice every AM! A garden in your mouth!


The start of this all...Pneumonia April 2016 and the beginning of this story

April 7th, 2016 I went in for a chest xray due to high 103 degree fever and sharp knife cutting pain in my right lung only.  I was working 45 mins from home this day and scheduled to leave for a Mexico vacation trip the next day so I got into urgent care right away.
Got zpak, cough syrup with codeine, and a few other things, chest xray done= pneumonia.
Pneumonia.never had that in my life til now!
I am 36 years old have had asthma my whole life, and never pneumonia!





1 week later, after being sick as a dog on my vacation to Mexico, lost my voice, couldn't party like a rockstar with an all inclusive vacation...I went home to have another chest xray done as the pain in chest wasn't getting better and I was feeling worse.
Chest xray looked the same. Except I questioned "what is that round ball thing"?  To which my primary care doctor said let's let the radiologist figure it out.
Came back abnormal , send for CT Scan right away.
CT scan 1 week later, that came back large MASS in lung, possible carcinoma all over my report..send her to specialist right away.

Went to Northwestern University Hospital on May 6th, 2016 for bronchoscopy.  This was the least invasive procedure to be done in the realm of biopsies.  So my family and I chose this route to go.
After procedure I landed in hospital for 7 days back home in Colorado due to pleurisy and still pneumonia that has not gotten better.
Another CT scan now showing lots of fluid in the pleural lining of my lung. This is the lining that is between your lung and your ribs and you are supposed to have only 2 tablespoons of this fluid normally, I had 30 ounces! It was the worst pain ever. Felt like level 4 contractions coming out my back! I was so sick!

Took a week in hospital and lots of pain killers and I was out, still in pain when I breathed.  The results were not back from the bronchoscopy yet so the mass just stayed there.  Northwestern had me going telling me I must have some type of fungal ball, very rare for me to have any cancer. So it took almost 6 weeks of the waiting game to find out I DON'T have fungal.  Again, nothing changing still hurts to breathe.

Found a great doctor with National Jewish Hospital here in Colorado= #1 leading respiratory hospital in the U.S.! Dr. James Fenton MD
He took over my case and he took me seriously.  He said "this is has been going on for almost 3 mos" we know what is is NOT....and we need to get a move on this quickly. He hands down believed it was cancer from the start of looking at my case.
Of course, no one wants to hear that! And that is why doctors don't go for the worst. No one wants to diagnose a 36 year old woman , non smoker, healthy mother of a 20 mos old daughter, and wife to a great husband with diagnosis!

He sent me for another biopsy, this time it was the needle core one, under CT scan so they could be precise to get directly to the mass touching my lobe lining where the pain was coming from. Results this time came back part positive for cancer and part not.  How can this be? Well....they can only get such tiny tissue thru a needle tip.  What we knew was it was clearly a tumor, and clearly abnormal, but pathology couldn't declare exactly what type, etc.  Next step knowing a tumor and abnormal was to remove it.
Next step PET scan. I was injected with a radioactive dye that shows any "activity" in tumors thruout your entire body.  My mass lit up at a 5.3 measurement. Normal is less than 2.0  , again another trigger to say I had cancer.

It took my Dr. Fenton a lot of convincing to get me to go thru see the surgeon as I have been thru enough hospitals, poked at, felt sick enough, and so many meds later. And with no clarification as to cancer or not exactly, I didn't want to remove an entire lobe of my lung. No one does.
But, I found top notch surgeon, Dr. Myles Guber, and scheduled appt. We had a pack together...I asked him clearly for the following:  only remove lobe if 1. it can not be determined with pathology in the room while I am laying on the table what it is, or 2. it is clearly cancer
This would eliminate a 2nd surgery should it be cancer. I mean...I am already out on the table for a 4 hour surgery....who wants to redo it?!

When I woke up, my lobe was gone.  They could not determine, so instead of having to do 2nd surgery he followed my pack orders.
Within 2 days I was released from ICU.  Doing the conga trail with old people in my area walking , talking and breathing great for post op.  Result were in: Stage 2b lung adenocarcinoma
And...to make my case even stranger...there was only 1 lymph node in my ENTIRE lobe they took out. I made them go slice the whole thing looking for more. Typically you have 8-10 in 1 lobe.  I had only 1.  And this tells me I was blessed with the 1, either born that way or what not, but this is the only way cancer can spread to the rest of your body..thru your superhighway lymphatic system. And when I have only 1 way for it to spread out of the lung....it didn't make it there in time!
I do have 2 small nodules on my left lobe, however, my team of doctors has stated the chemo should eliminate them. They are too small to do biopsy on right now.

Next step oncologist.  Dr. David Trevarthen.  Recommended by my Dr. Fenton (who truly saved my life by making me get the lobectomy and listening and diligently responding to my emails and phone calls and worked hard to make sure I could be here today writing this to you)
Oncologist says, gotta do chemo. It's the protocol.  I am his youngest lung cancer patient.  What does that say?  People don't usually live with lung cancer.  Because there is no nerve endings in your lungs, you don't actually feel pain.  Typically people are stage 4 or terminal by the time they find this as it has spread to the rest of you body, kidneys and created tumors everywhere and that is the cause of the pain you feel.   Lots of pathology testing later, we have determined I had a gene mutation in ALK which is a protein in the gene of the cancer tissue.  This is a good thing as if this were to come back again, I would be able to take a targeted medication specifically for ALK mutation.
Dr. T the oncologist has stated he is seeing more and more "young women" ages 35-45 with this type of cancer. All nonsmokers. He called it an epidemic.

6 weeks later post op:  I am finally feeling my older normal. I am ready for pilates and hiking and working out again.  Went on a trip of a lifetime cruise to Alaska, hiked with a baby of 27 lbs on my back, did about 13,000 steps a day on pedometer.

Now: Chemo infusion parlor day.  BEAT down time. 4 rounds of advanced strength ...so basically packing 8 rounds into 4 rounds. As my body is young, my kidneys should handle it, so they say.

The best advice I can share to anyone is BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE!  If I didn't have such a flexible job and blessed with that, I would not have been able to travel, get the help I needed in a demanding timeframe.  I didn't wait. I called doctors every morning to see if they had cancellations so I could steal a spot. They are busy!  Especially the specialist doctors!  And ..do you research. Find a TOP DOCTOR.  Get 2nd opinions but find the doctor that works to the best of his ability in his department. You don't have to "like" them, you just need them to be the best at what they do. And that is that!